Setting: 0158AM. Simply Jessie and Your Song on eternal repeat, downing a cold cup of coffee.
Tangina wala na ko sa mood matulog. Badtrip yung groupmate ko sa Film.
Ay hindi lang pala isa. Badtrip sila lahat in general.
Haha grabe lang ako pa yung badtrip. Ako na nga yung hindi sumunod sa deadline.
Sine-stress nila ko e birthday pa naman namin today.
(I meant kahapon. 21 na pala. )
Grabe, I wouldn't know what to do if Paul wasn't around.
Here I go again, uncertain.
I'm so happy it scares me.
I'm scared that I'd get too comfy with what I have now that I'd choose not to make radical decisions that might disturb this equilibrium I'm in.
I'm scared that I might lose heart, that I might cease to believe in a cause I once thought was worth fighting for.
I'm scared that I might get too starry-eyed, too romanticized to turn a blind eye to what's happening.
I'm scared that I might turn into one of those too insensitive people who only cared about trivial things
All because I know I've been cushioned from a pain I might have been feeling if conditions were otherwise.
It's in human nature to strive for freedom from pain.
Somehow I think that's not how I want to end up.
Gosh. Iba lang talaga yung rush that overcame me when I was watching the Cheerdance Competition kanina. A strange mix of adrenaline and pride. So ayun, ang yabang ko. Ang yabang namin. Cheers to the champs, the UP Pep Squad! :)
The UP Pep was second in line, right after La Salle (who staged a pretty lousy performance if you ask me). Galing ng UP, as in shet. Maybe I'm already a biased spectator but still it was super synchronized, nearly flawless. Will post a link to a video soon as I find one. :)
Haven't gotten over it yet, obviously.
Sobrang yabang ng UP crowd kanina talaga. UST had this banner which read "Kami po ang Unibersidad ng Santo Tomas", tapos the UP people replied with one which said "So? UP kami. Sa'n ka pa?"
Whoever made that was a genius.
Maroon pride, Maroon pride. I never thought that such a one-liner (with only two words at that) could say everything: UP kami. The pride attached to the name, to the label, iba talaga.
Fuck I can't help but brag.
But I seriously think that FEU deserved that first runner-up place being savored by UST now. We all thought FEU was UP's top contender, when they were announced as the third placer kinabahan kami, who else would make it? Unfair. Here goes politics yet again.
Kahit 0-14 sweep yung sa men's basketball, ayos lang. Haha.
School-bragging (for us) and school-bashing (for them) messages flooded in shortly afterwards, stuff like "Huwag dadaan sa España, bumabaha ng luha." Haha. Meanie.
Ang sakit sa ulo sumigaw, nakakagutom, nakakastress pumila, nakakastress manuod (I was in upper B SRO, on tiptoes nearly all the time), but it was all worth it. UP so freaking rocks.
Another addition to my ultra extensive wishlist: a Jack Skellington stuffed toy! Me and my orgmates found this at some gift shop at Trinoma, for only around 500php - a total steal! Must have this for Christmas (no matter how ironic. Haha).
Know what the best part is?
It's the way every encounter feels just like the first time. :)
Why can't I be the person I want to be for him?
Tangina ang sama ng loob ko. Three birthdays na ang hindi ko mapupuntahan cuz of org activities.
AND OTHER THAN THAT, I am acting so effing immature again. Sheeeeeesh. Gotta let off some steam.
Chris Carrabba is back! Yep, his first solo tour in five years. Watch out for DC's next album The Shade of Poison Trees, in stores Oct 2. :)
He tells me I'm pretty even when I know I'm not.
It feels so good to love and be loved. :)
But your taste still lingers on my lips like I just placed them upon yours, and I starve for you.
August 27, Monday. A Public Ad student and NCPAG SC councilor in his senior year died of alleged hazing under the Sigma Rho Fraternity. Then a young man with big dreams, Cris Anthony Mendez is now gone.
And justice ought to be served.
The university has become a site of relentless brutality.
It was supposed to be a rite of passage to "toughen" the weak. Yet, in a malevolent turn of events, neophyte Cris Mendez was neither strengthened nor empowered. Instead, news of his death was met with a mixture of disbelief, sorrow and a gnawing anger over the futility of the loss.
Clearly, within fraternities thrives a culture incongruous with the logic of justice. yet, this brutality has virtually become an impregnable practice in the "brotherhood" - difficult to remove, due, in part, to the existing feudal conditions of Philippine society that foster such violence and to its deep-seated entrenchment in the university.
Juxtapose the unabated spate of fraternity violence with the national arena and the escalating human rights violations. Leaders of militant groups are systematically eliminated by state elements in broad daylight. Protesting farmers are shot for demanding their right to land. Journalists are murdered for exposing corruption. Fellow UP students are abducted for working in peasant communities.
Despite the national bloodshed, violence persists within the university. The fraternities' dogged acts of brutality speak of their glaring lack of social awareness. By remaining aloof to the national conditions, fraternities fail to challenge the prevailing system and instead, facilitate its perpetuation.
Indeed, the spiraling violence cn only spawn further violence.
The tradition of brutality is first cultivated in initiation rites, where the neophytes' consciousness is subsequently shaped. These hazing practices aim to amputate the neophytes from their previous connections, as though the fraternity is their sole source of affiliation. Meanwhile, the neophytes, disassociated as they are, willingly subject themselves tompractices they would otherwise reject in normal circumstances. The members' punishing show of authority firther forces the neophytes into submission, thus reinforcing the fraternities' strict, autocratic echelon. In the process, neophytes become "slaves" to their dominant "masters".
Also integral to the brotherhoods' collective identity is a warped concept of masculinity, which encompasses feudal characteristics like strength, power, dominance, agressiveness and a twisted sense of bravery. Consequently, slaves are expected to withstand their masters' abuse during initiation, even when the pain has become unbearable.
Through initiation, the spiral of violence is replicated. Those who survive the brotherhoods' rite of passage take it upon themselves to display their newfound sense of self. The slaves become warlords, unafraid of challenging other competing fraternities. Often mistaken for empowerment, this arrogant display of power fionds the flimsiest excuse to create the most vicious abuse: ambushes that target lone members of a rival fraternity and melees that result from mere eye contact. In performing these acts, the brothers hide their faces behind masks, as if to disavow responsibility for such inquiry.
For while fraternities are unremitting in their attacks, they falter at the bar of justice.
Despite the prevalence of violence and the passing of the Anti-Hazing Law, many are still attracted to the promises of the brotherhood. In this country's feudal system, the network of patronage and benefaction assured by the fraternities serve as guarantees for self-advancement: employment, resources, promotion, business and politics.
Thus, for all the brotherhoods' assertions of collectivity, their concerns seldom extend beyond their narrow alliances. And, as the brothers graduate, they bring with them the imprints of the fraternity into the national arena. With their propensity for the unrepentant abuse of power, it is no longer rival fraternities in danger but society itself.
In this sense, fraternities function as a pathological excrescence which duplicate a decadent feudal system.
Years after the deaths of Dennis Venturina, Mark Roland Martin, Alex Icasiano, Nin0 Calinao and Marlon Villanueva, the culture of brutality has again claimed another victim. Lest fraternities develop a social conscience that transcends the confines of their narrow relations , the death of Cris Mendez will not be the last.*taken from the Sept 4 2007 editorial of the Philippine Collegian, Spiral of violence