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{/I guess I should've heard of that from you.
11.30.2007 ( 12:42 PM )

Weird.

Masaya na ko ulit.

Haha.


Steff's birthday celeb later.

Woot. A break I've been needing so much.


BUT I've been trying to fend off procrastination to no avail.

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{/Ung Tagalog
11.29.2007 ( 1:26 AM )

Hay.

Hindi ko na alam.

Mahirap.

Malungkot.



Have I been trying too hard?

Am I doing badly so far?



This is the only time I have done this after such a long time.




Goosebumps. Insomnia. No yosi. The cool bed weather.

Haven't touched my readings for tomorrow.





WTF am I doing with myself???





It's so easy to fake smiles.

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{/Beaching dreams in between deadlines
11.27.2007 ( 8:50 PM )

ME WANT BEACH.

When I feel super stressed out from school or org work, I long for the days when I can just lie on the shore and feel the gentle ripple of the water against my head. Like it washes away all traces of worry, stress, all the clutter in your mind. I still miss Bora, after all.

These days I hardly ever have time to clear my head. I need (and deserve!) a break, but obviously the time for that isn't now.

-----

I'm hooked on The String Quartet tribute albums now. It's the perfect venue for my passion for rock music and my frustration in learning violin. God, they are so effin great.

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{/of smiles, tears, and not-so-boring routines
11.23.2007 ( 12:24 AM )

This week has been pretty much of a daze.

I can't believe acad work's already piling up this early. I only have two major subjects this sem, two required, one GE, and my readings are already around two inches thick. To cap it off, I should have read them all by next week.

Gosh.

Things have fallen into some sort of routine now for me. Open my eyes at 6AM, hit the snooze button, doze for another few minutes or so, finally get up around 7AM, force myself to take a bath with the freezing water, get dressed in a rush, go to school, arrive late at my first class, try to act like I was prepared for recit, doodle my boyfriend's name, take notes, fool around, then go to the next class. I must say, the principles of bullshit-ing have been a bit of help.

Being with orgmates gives me some refuge as well, although sometimes they're not helping when they told me in a rather amused manner about a classmate of theirs who fainted right on the day of the final exams because he crammed studying for Saguil's 111 (which I am taking right now) and didn't get enough sleep.

I always plan to grab a cup of coffee after class, so I could complete all 24 stickers for the planner soon, but the bad weather always ruins that plan and I end up going straight home instead (oh yes, so not me). Turn on the PC, surf the net a bit, have dinner, go upstairs to deal with my ton of readings, wait for Paul to call. I wouldn't have been able to endure all this if I didn't have him to talk to, to share stories and to laugh with at the end of the day. It makes me feel like I have some purpose in the world because I can make somebody happy just by loving him.

After the phone call, I get back to my readings, try to stay awake as much as I can with the aid of too many servings of coffee, chocolates, NU107 and the occasional yosi. Recently I stopped this reflex (?) of looking at the time, because if I see that it's already 3AM, I would undoubtedly be induced to stop reading and hit the sheets. But I shouldn't. That's hara kiri. So my normal bedtime's in the wee hours of the morning. Don't ask me how many hours I get every night. There was even a time I slept right at my desk just to make sure that I don't oversleep so I could go to class on time.

But sometimes things get out of hand. Orgmates flood your phone with text brigs announcing an emergency meeting after classes late in the afternoon, with an agenda so critical and urgent that you just can't not go. For a while you're supposed to forget the ton of photocopied readings you're carrying in your hands and focus on work. There are concepts to be formulated, tasks to be completed. All with deadlines. All with the pile of acads waiting for your time and attention.

The meeting takes longer than expected and it's already a bit late. For sure your boyfriend (yes, not your mum) is gonna kill you for staying out this late without any sure means of how you're getting home. You had no chance to tell him all the details because your phone ran out of batteries hours ago. When you finally get home and call him, he's mad at you, and that's perfectly understandable because what you did was just so not right.

But after accusations of sorts, long awkward silences and a bit of drama, it feels good to know that he got angry because he was worrying about you too much and because you broke you promise not to make him worry again. You're meant to feel guilty because you know damn well he loves you. Look what you did.

It sucks to get emotional if your cousins and uncle who are not supposed to have any idea of your boy's existence are around you. I got a pat on the back from Vlad and seemed to ask if I was okay. I smiled at him and he retreated, saying stupid but funny things that made me feel better all the same.

Thankfully we were cool after a while, and the sweet nothings we used to mush about seemed a lot more sweeter, had much more mush factor after a fight. But it doesn't mean that I'd be picking fights with him every now and then just so I would feel good after - that would definitely defeat the purpose of it. I dunno, maybe like the song says, I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

Tomorrow, there would still be so many many many many things to do, and I'd carry on my routine, which I'm probably okay with now because of the little but special things that serve as the embellishments on an otherwise dull and boring canvas. Maybe having someone you love who loves you back makes all the difference. :)

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{/buffer
11.09.2007 ( 1:15 AM )

tangenuh ng bagong sistema ng registration.

first, i went to NCPAG to get my form 5A. in all of the 3 CRS batch runs, i only got 12 units. shit. i went straight to the college adviser for pre-advising. and f*cker, ayaw pa kong payagan mag-111 ni saguil. he reasoned that i was only in second year standing, and according to the curriculum we shouldn't be taking that til next year. darn, bakit yung iba kong batchmates, pinayagan? they kept on giving recommendations - socio 11, psych 101, fil 25, polsc 11 - ALL of which i have already taken in the previous semesters. i guess they had no choice. hello, 12 units pa lang ako, tapos icacancel mo pa yung isang subject?!?

and take note, yung prof ko sa 111 is none other than dan saguil himself.

anyway, after pre-advising, i went to the lib for enlistment. we have these daily batch runs, just like the pre-enlistment season. students get to enlist the subjects they need til 4PM. the entirely stupid thing is that 06 students are scheduled for thursday, meaning kami yung least na priority sa lahat ng batches. monday - seniors, graduating studes, tuesday - freshmen, wednesday - juniors. malamang naman, iilan na lang ang matitirang slots sa sophomores nyan. that is, kung meron pang matira at all. when it came my turn, most GE classes were already closed, or kung open pa, it's like 1 available slot with a 700+ demand. f*cker talaga.

after 4PM, processing, then results would be available by 9PM outside dilnet.

after nun, hindi ko na alam, kasi hanggang dun lang ang natapos ko.

badtrip talaga. imagine, alas onse pa lang tapos na yung araw ko. so not productive. they're keeping us on tenterhooks, lahat ng 700+ na yun, umaasang sila yung makukuha sa kaisa-isang natitirang slot.

f*cker.

another idiotic scheme is the prerog phase next week. it's gonna be like enlistment din, pero ang alam ko, students would be going to the colleges/units offering the subject they wanna prerog in. too bad for people like me who still need GE's, pipila pa sa AS or somewhere else. tapos online din xa, which kinda defeats the purpose of the "teacher's prerogative". there would be daily batch runs rin, as in halos enlistment rin. badtrip.

and the thing is CLASSES START TOMORROW. i won't dare not coming to the first meeting; there's a threat na you may risk losing your slot if you don't show up the first day.

arrrrggggh. nakakainis.

but when i went to see paul later in the afternoon, i didn't feel at all that i had been really really pissed off that morning. imagine if not for him, my bad mood would've lasted throughout the day. i would've snapped at countless people and i would probably leave them wondering if i was just having a bad case of PMS.

i just need to be with him, and everything gets romanticized. walang stress, parang walang problema. sigh. i'm so lucky for having you.

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{/faith
11.08.2007 ( 9:25 AM )

i just remembered. me and my friends were talking the other day and one of em said something like, "feeling ko tuloy blessed ako."

that statement makes impact (and sense) if you consider that he's an atheist.

haha.

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{/standard lines
( 8:35 AM )

Finally! Not anymore deprived of an internet connection.

Been trying to come up with something decent over the sembreak, and I got inspired by DC.


But this new diet's liquid
And dulling to the senses
And it's screwed.
But it will do.



I wanna learn doing vector art. Sigh. So many things to do, so little time.

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